Rough Times

You know how you go through periods in your life where the road is just a bit bumpy? It’s not any one thing in particular, in fact sometimes the road is smooth sailing, but overall, when everything adds up the ride was just a bit rough. That’s where we’ve been in our family.

The past few years have been bumpy. There are the obvious – young kids means lots of stops along the way. And we’ve had lots of unexpected detours. Therapies, dentists, doctors, surgeries, potty training, messes, worrying, more potty training, laundry, IEP meetings, teachers, enrollment, ballet, gymnastics, and more.

Friends keep moving. We live in a college town so we expect the annual turnover, but it’s getting harder every year to say good-bye to one more set of friends. I’ve had to say good-bye to Laura, Dawn, Sharon, Marie, Jenny (twice), Rebekah, Brandielle, Kathleen, Rachelle, Hilary, Stephanee, Corene, Stacy, Jenny (a different one), Joellen, Sarah, Karen, Marijke, Bonnie, Candace, Julia, Lisa, Nina, Candice, Teresa, Cindy, Erica and I’m sure there are a few I’m missing. Not to mention their husbands and children.

There have been tears and laughter and stress. A lot of stress. There have been beautiful moments and moments I wish I could go back to college where my only worries were grades and paychecks.  I type this in a cold house because the heat exchange in our furnace cracked and we’ve been without heat for the past three days. If that doesn’t sound too bad just realize we were this close to being the family on the news that never woke-up due to carbon monoxide poisoning.  For once I was grateful for a leaky, inefficient home and following a prompting that we needed to get our heater serviced. In March.

So, now we have to dish out more money to replace the furnace. Money – it just keeps slipping through our fingers like sand. Why does it cost so much to live? I wrap this up while watching freezing rain bounce off the sidewalks and stuck in the house with children home from school because of a “snow” day. The morning has been full of screaming, tantrums, poop, art projects and finding Jacob covered in my brand new $12 foundation.

The future is bright though… and warmer. Much warmer. I hope to have pictures soon but first I need to find our camera charger.

Public Bathrooms

Nobody really likes public bathrooms, right? Right. However, being a mother of young children I really despise public bathrooms for so many, many reasons.

I swear to you now, my kids do the most disgusting, horrifying, embarrassing things you can think of in a public bathroom. From unrolling toilet paper as fast as their little hands and feet will carry them to wandering out of the bathroom with their pants around their ankles because they need you to wipe them (no matter that they insisted they could do it themselves and didn't need you in there in the first place).

I thought I had about seen it all until I braved the bathroom at Target with Jacob. Jacob, the one who has figured out how to unlock the stall doors, and instead of crawling on the disgusting germ-clad floor like a normal child, insists he goes out the normal way.

So, there we were - me trying to use the bathroom as fast as possible while keeping the door closed and Jacob trying to get out. In a split second he managed to open the door and wedge himself between the stall and the door while I try to desperately close it. Except I can't because I literally have a child in the way, who starts yelling at the top of his lungs because he's stuck. As if I needed any more attention than I currently had.

I pushed him out. I was desperate and there were people in the bathroom. So, I just shoved him out of the stall completely, closed the door and finished my business.

But honestly, I don't have much shame left. Three pregnancies and three rather active children do that to you. However, I really, really look forward to the time when I can use the bathroom by myself.

A Letter to My Lillian

Dear Lilly,

I want you to know something very, very important. I love you. I love you with my whole heart and soul. I love everything about you and there will come a time in your future where you might not believe me. But I do, oh how I do. I love your laugh - your beautiful, from-the-belly, genuine laugh. I love the way you love your brothers. I mean, really, truly love them. You always have time for Jacob and you have a loyalty to Samuel that God himself couldn't break - that is if He even wanted to...

Of course, it is easy to love the sweet part of you. The part that wants me to read books to you and make up songs for me. That part is always easy to love, but I want you to know that what makes you so special, what makes me feel like a piece of my heart is walking around in this huge world, is the not-so-sweet part.

Elsa came to your birthday party!

Oh my Lillian, you have a fierce, independent spirit. You scream and hit and kick. There are many days when we find ourselves in a battle of wills - one stubborn temper pitted against another. And you're only five. I can only imagine what the future holds for us. That is why I want you to know how very much I love you. ALL of YOU. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

You have wanted a play date with Elsa since.

You love, laugh and dance with your whole heart. You also fight, argue and pout with you whole heart. It's what makes you, you. I will take the hitting, screaming Lilly every day if it means I get to have the hugging, kissing, sweet Lilly, even for a little bit. You are beautiful my sweet child and while this letter may not make much sense to you for a while, there will come a day when you will read this and understand what I am fumbling to say.

That I love you only the way a Mother can.

Happy Birthday to my beautiful five year old - I am excited to see what this year holds for you.

Love you always.
Mommy

Don't judge - I kept closing my eyes!

With Cadence, Elsa, Emily, Lilly and Sally

Dear Future Self,

I am quite excited to become a Grandma. Yes I know it's about 20 years in the future, but still I'm excited. However, there are some things I want to remember about having young children for the future. Things that have been said to me over the past 6.5 years that have made me realize it's quite easy to forget this very brief period in time with young kids. So, future self, to answer your questions:

Yes, you did gain that much weight with each pregnancy. Actually, you probably gained more - on average you gained 50 pounds with each pregnancy. Your third child has been the hardest to lose the weight. Something about getting older. Or compulsively eating chocolate, you decide.

Yes, your house was a disaster zone. Toys multiply and replenish the earth. Potty training makes your house smell, quite frankly, like a Port-a-potty and even though you swore it would never happen, yes you have found dirty underwear in the kitchen. It was gross. The fact is kids come messy - they pee and poop and blow their noses and wipe their hands on your clothes. You have to teach them to be clean and it is a long and arduous process. Most of the time you would rather take the kids to the park than clean the playroom. Again. You would rather read than do the dishes. It's give and take.

Yes, your kids were that active. They just get into everything. And even though Jacob is your last and you've grown used to it by now, it doesn't mean he's any better. Heck no, that kid is constantly moving, climbing and pulling things out of cabinets. He is such a mover that on the exact same day he had hernia surgery he climbed the shelves in your closet (and to clarify this was after we got home from the hospital).

Holy cow your kids are loud! Pretty sure if there were a Guinness World Record of loudness from three kids your kids would win, hands down. It's constant noise. Noise and movement.

Yes, embarrassing things happen in public. All. The. Time. You get dirty stares from strangers who are quite convinced they could do a better job parenting your children than you do. You have abandoned an entire cart-full of groceries IN the check-out line because you just couldn't do it anymore.

You let your kids dress themselves and Lillian, especially, often looks homeless. It's not worth the battle and you allow your kids this freedom of expression. No, you do not brush Lilly's hair everyday or clip fingernails regularly. You are also awful at bath time. Being a Mom is just so exhausting sometimes.

You give your kids candy, have reasoned in your mind (on occasion) that oatmeal cookies make a balanced breakfast and really do let your kids have chocolate chips, pretzels and marshmallows as an after school treat. Don't be fooled into thinking you gave your kids healthy, balanced meals every single day.

Just remember that looking back on the past you will remember all the good times and wonderful events that happened. You might forget how busy you were running kids to appointments and ballet and gymnastics. You might forget how hard it was to be a Mom and how much you beat yourself up about all things you are lacking. Remember that there were days you were very sensitive to comments from others and someone telling you it was all going to be okay was all you needed.