January 29, 2015

A Letter to My Lillian

Dear Lilly,

I want you to know something very, very important. I love you. I love you with my whole heart and soul. I love everything about you and there will come a time in your future where you might not believe me. But I do, oh how I do. I love your laugh - your beautiful, from-the-belly, genuine laugh. I love the way you love your brothers. I mean, really, truly love them. You always have time for Jacob and you have a loyalty to Samuel that God himself couldn't break - that is if He even wanted to...

Of course, it is easy to love the sweet part of you. The part that wants me to read books to you and make up songs for me. That part is always easy to love, but I want you to know that what makes you so special, what makes me feel like a piece of my heart is walking around in this huge world, is the not-so-sweet part.

Elsa came to your birthday party!
Oh my Lillian, you have a fierce, independent spirit. You scream and hit and kick. There are many days when we find ourselves in a battle of wills - one stubborn temper pitted against another. And you're only five. I can only imagine what the future holds for us. That is why I want you to know how very much I love you. ALL of YOU. I wouldn't trade it for anything.

You have wanted a play date with Elsa since.
You love, laugh and dance with your whole heart. You also fight, argue and pout with you whole heart. It's what makes you, you. I will take the hitting, screaming Lilly every day if it means I get to have the hugging, kissing, sweet Lilly, even for a little bit. You are beautiful my sweet child and while this letter may not make much sense to you for a while, there will come a day when you will read this and understand what I am fumbling to say.

That I love you only the way a Mother can.

Happy Birthday to my beautiful five year old - I am excited to see what this year holds for you.

Love you always.
Mommy

Don't judge - I kept closing my eyes!
With Cadence, Elsa, Emily, Lilly and Sally

January 1, 2015

Dear Future Self,

I am quite excited to become a Grandma. Yes I know it's about 20 years in the future, but still I'm excited. However, there are some things I want to remember about having young children for the future. Things that have been said to me over the past 6.5 years that have made me realize it's quite easy to forget this very brief period in time with young kids. So, future self, to answer your questions:

Yes, you did gain that much weight with each pregnancy. Actually, you probably gained more - on average you gained 50 pounds with each pregnancy. Your third child has been the hardest to lose the weight. Something about getting older. Or compulsively eating chocolate, you decide.

Yes, your house was a disaster zone. Toys multiply and replenish the earth. Potty training makes your house smell, quite frankly, like a Port-a-potty and even though you swore it would never happen, yes you have found dirty underwear in the kitchen. It was gross. The fact is kids come messy - they pee and poop and blow their noses and wipe their hands on your clothes. You have to teach them to be clean and it is a long and arduous process. Most of the time you would rather take the kids to the park than clean the playroom. Again. You would rather read than do the dishes. It's give and take.

Yes, your kids were that active. They just get into everything. And even though Jacob is your last and you've grown used to it by now, it doesn't mean he's any better. Heck no, that kid is constantly moving, climbing and pulling things out of cabinets. He is such a mover that on the exact same day he had hernia surgery he climbed the shelves in your closet (and to clarify this was after we got home from the hospital).

Holy cow your kids are loud! Pretty sure if there were a Guinness World Record of loudness from three kids your kids would win, hands down. It's constant noise. Noise and movement.

Yes, embarrassing things happen in public. All. The. Time. You get dirty stares from strangers who are quite convinced they could do a better job parenting your children than you do. You have abandoned an entire cart-full of groceries IN the check-out line because you just couldn't do it anymore.

You let your kids dress themselves and Lillian, especially, often looks homeless. It's not worth the battle and you allow your kids this freedom of expression. No, you do not brush Lilly's hair everyday or clip fingernails regularly. You are also awful at bath time. Being a Mom is just so exhausting sometimes.

You give your kids candy, have reasoned in your mind (on occasion) that oatmeal cookies make a balanced breakfast and really do let your kids have chocolate chips, pretzels and marshmallows as an after school treat. Don't be fooled into thinking you gave your kids healthy, balanced meals every single day.

Just remember that looking back on the past you will remember all the good times and wonderful events that happened. You might forget how busy you were running kids to appointments and ballet and gymnastics. You might forget how hard it was to be a Mom and how much you beat yourself up about all things you are lacking. Remember that there were days you were very sensitive to comments from others and someone telling you it was all going to be okay was all you needed.