A few thoughts on Motherhood

If you're not interested in reading about all the sordid details of Motherhood then stop here, because I have a few thoughts jumbling around in my head that I would like to share. I've been reading articles and seeing discussions on Facebook lately (occasionally I get sucked into the black-hole that is Facebook) about motherhood and wow! There is a lot out there and it seems to be a major battle being fought between women right now.  I try to remain blissfully ignorant of it all because Motherhood is hard enough without the thousands of opinions of women out there, not to mention the media portrayals and experts who think their way is the best way. So, here is my two cents to add to the barrage of opinions out there.

First to new Moms and Moms of one child: You might feel judged, especially by those of us with more than one kid. But the truth is, we aren't judging you. At least no more than you are judging us. We might look at your over-prepared diaper bag and chuckle to ourselves a bit or listen to how you've conquered bed-time and say "ah, that's cute." It might feel like we are laughing at you, but what we are really doing is remembering our first time through having a baby too. Remember how your world was literally turned upside-down after you had your baby? Labor and delivery wasn't anything you pictured, you were worried about the number of times your baby pooped each day, you were sleep-deprived and you were trying to figure out the whole nursing thing while your friends and family gathered around you and the baby. Not to mention the acute pain of post-partum recovery, the fact you hadn't showered in days and how you have to re-learn how to do everything with a baby in hand. And I mean everything - from navigating the grocery store to cleaning your house.

Remember that?

Well, here's the real truth: It that happens EVERY time you have a child. In some ways it really, truly is much easier because you kind of know what to expect this time. But really, delivery doesn't go the exact same way, you might get clogged-milk ducts this time or your second won't latch properly, the sleep deprivation is there again, but this time you can't sleep when the baby sleeps because you have a second child running around. And once again you have to re-learn how to do everything - this time with two or three or six kids. This time instead of being worried whether or not you packed the diaper bag you are worried about which kid to put in the car first and how to hold a baby carrier with one hand and keep your toddler from running through the parking lot with the other hand. So, one worry replaces another one and the cycle continues.

We aren't laughing at you, if anything we are a little jealous that you can sit there and hold your baby and not worry about what your toddler is getting into in the next room.

Second, to working moms versus stay-home moms. Can we all agree that being a Mom is hard? It doesn't matter if you work or don't work, you still have to be a Mom. But here are a few thoughts from a stay-home Mom: We are literally with our kids for 24 hours a day 7 days a week. We don't get a break, we don't get to come home from the office and kick off our shoes and play with our kids. So, when we ask to have a girls night we don't want our children involved - because quite frankly we've had enough of them. That might sound harsh, but it's true. I admire the women who work and be a Mom - it takes a lot of courage, strength and energy. A LOT of energy. The thing is whether you are working or not, all of us feel like we fall short at the end of the day. Working-moms might wish they had more time with their kids and stay-home Moms wish they could have less time with their kids and we both feel guilty for those things. Can we all agree to not push our guilt on the other person and instead just offer love and support?

Third, discipline. Discipline is hard and everyone has an opinion and everyone will tell you what to do or that you are doing it wrong. You have to figure out what you and your spouse are comfortable with - if the cry-it-out technique at bedtime leaves you in tears and makes you feel like the worse person EVER, then don't do it. However, do remember that there will be times you have to make a tough decision and stick with it. The key is consistency. Whatever parenting-style you choose you have to be consistent with your children, otherwise they will know they can push the boundaries. 



Lastly, you have to learn to laugh. Laughing is the only way to get through it. My oldest is six now and everyone tells me it gets better but I'm still not quite convinced. The thing is I've learned to laugh. My kids do crazy things - and I mean crazy. They dump flour all over the floor, stick toys in their mouth, wonder how gravity works by throwing things off the stairs, fight with each other, pick-on each other, and push my patience as far as they possibly can. Laughing is how I get through it all. Sometimes the laughter doesn't come until much later, but eventually it does come. I can beat myself up thinking I'm the worse parent in the world because my daughter thought it was fun to play with her poop while potty-training, or I can laugh at the pure looks of disgust people give me when a story is told. Also, comes the looks of relief I get from other parents when they realize their children aren't that weird after all, at some point every child plays with poop.