"Motherhood is my style" said Heather Ann Johnson. She's a blogger and I like to read her thoughts and advice in motherhood and family life. She recently gave a speech on motherhood which you can listen to at Family Volley. She explains that becoming a mother was something she always wanted.
Which got me thinking, that's not the first time I've heard that. It seems many of my friends just wanted to be a Mom and as I've watched them become Moms and do the Mom-thing they are so GOOD at it. It seems to come easy to them and I envy them, because simply put, I didn't dream of becoming a Mom. And it's hard.
Seriously hard.
There are days I would rather go through finals again than face being a Mom.
Even as a child I never wanted to be a mother. I wanted to be a teacher, an astronaut and for a small period an actress/performer of some sorts. But mainly an astronaut. I was going to be the first woman on the moon, the first person to Mars and then come back and write about it. Which would then lead me to be a journalist for the National Geographic in which I would travel the world.
And then things changed, the Lord had a different path for me. Carlin came into my life and before I could blink we had three kids. And I'm a stay-home Mom and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.
Not because it's tedious, redundant, and never-ending. And not because potty-training might kill me. But because Motherhood is NOT my style. And I want it to be, I really do.
But it's like wearing a dress that's too tight and too small and you just feel self-conscious and are constantly pulling it down or up and it feels like you might suffocate in it.
That's how motherhood is for me, sometimes it feels like I might suffocate.
Does it make me love my children any less? No. I love them. But my love for them doesn't make it any easier. And that's the hones truth.
July 23, 2013
June 7, 2013
Dear Jacob,
You turned a month old yesterday and yet there is no post and no pictures of you on my blog. Some might argue it's because you're a third child and third children simply get overlooked. I promise that's not the case. The main reason there are no posts or pictures is because I spend the majority of my time holding you. Most of the time I don't mind, you are my last baby and I want to cherish every moment with you. It also helps that you do not like to be put down.
This past month has also been quite the eventful one. There were lots of celebrations, you were born, Samuel finished preschool and turned 5 and your father and I celebrated 7 years of marriage. In between all of that we experienced severe weather. An F5 tornado came within several miles of our house, less than 2 miles from your Daddy's workplace, across the street from your Aunt Samantha, and just barely missed your Aunt Heather. You were 2 weeks old exactly. For the second day in a row I huddled with you and Lillian in our little closet under the stairs whispering prayers for the safety of all those we loved, while your brother sought shelter at school. 11 days later we were again running for shelter, this time at a neighbor's house for they have an underground storm shelter. This storm also produced an F5 tornado, along with several smaller tornadoes - one of which hit your Daddy's work leaving them without power for almost a week - and severe flooding.
That's about when your Daddy and I looked at each other and thought for the first time since having children "what kind of world have we brought our precious children into and how do we protect them?"
I am not sure what the future holds for you little Jacob, but I do know one thing. You are a gift from the Lord and I have to trust that He will keep you and your siblings safe. I do not doubt that you were supposed to come to our little family at this time and you have been our little light in the darkness. Aunts and Uncles have sought you out to hold you and bring peace as we learned of the devastation of natural disasters, Grandmas and Grandpas have come forward to support, help and love.
I might be slacking in an outwardly show of your importance to this family, but you have filled our heart and home with your presence and I can't imagine a time without you.
Welcome to this world, Baby Jacob!
 |
| Born: May 6, 7lbs 15 oz, 19.5 inches |
This past month has also been quite the eventful one. There were lots of celebrations, you were born, Samuel finished preschool and turned 5 and your father and I celebrated 7 years of marriage. In between all of that we experienced severe weather. An F5 tornado came within several miles of our house, less than 2 miles from your Daddy's workplace, across the street from your Aunt Samantha, and just barely missed your Aunt Heather. You were 2 weeks old exactly. For the second day in a row I huddled with you and Lillian in our little closet under the stairs whispering prayers for the safety of all those we loved, while your brother sought shelter at school. 11 days later we were again running for shelter, this time at a neighbor's house for they have an underground storm shelter. This storm also produced an F5 tornado, along with several smaller tornadoes - one of which hit your Daddy's work leaving them without power for almost a week - and severe flooding.
That's about when your Daddy and I looked at each other and thought for the first time since having children "what kind of world have we brought our precious children into and how do we protect them?"
I am not sure what the future holds for you little Jacob, but I do know one thing. You are a gift from the Lord and I have to trust that He will keep you and your siblings safe. I do not doubt that you were supposed to come to our little family at this time and you have been our little light in the darkness. Aunts and Uncles have sought you out to hold you and bring peace as we learned of the devastation of natural disasters, Grandmas and Grandpas have come forward to support, help and love.
I might be slacking in an outwardly show of your importance to this family, but you have filled our heart and home with your presence and I can't imagine a time without you.
Welcome to this world, Baby Jacob!
 |
| He was born with a head full of brown hair and still has it - I can't believe it after having two bald kids! |
May 3, 2013
Godzilla Samuel
Samuel likes Godzilla.
He likes building things. Towers, castles, roads, train tracks.
He likes to destroy them after he is done playing with them.
Daddy is really a 5 year old in a 30 year old body who wanted to film Samuel in slow-motion.
These were the results:
He likes building things. Towers, castles, roads, train tracks.
He likes to destroy them after he is done playing with them.
Daddy is really a 5 year old in a 30 year old body who wanted to film Samuel in slow-motion.
These were the results:
April 24, 2013
I'm so excited!
And I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it, I like it.
Because...
In less than 2 weeks we will be welcoming baby number 3.
And I can honestly say this is the most excited I've ever been about welcoming a child into this world.
With Samuel I was just terrified of labor and delivery and realizing that I had NO idea what to do with a baby.
With Lillian I was terrified of having two kids 19 months apart, another c-section, and having a girl.
With this one - I'm just done being pregnant. I know it's going to be hard adjusting to three kids, having a newborn wake-up multiple times a night, my two older kids waking up freakishly early in the morning, recovering from a c-section and all the mayhem that comes with a major life change.
But I've never been more ready - at least mentally and emotionally. All the baby stuff is still in boxes and rooms need to be cleaned and beds need to be upgraded, but that will happen when it happens.
My arms ache for the tininess of the sweet little baby, to look into its big eyes, hold its little hands and count its little toes. I also can't wait to find out what gender this baby is! What do you think?
Most people in the family are thinking it's going to be a boy. I don't have any opinion either way. This pregnancy was seriously unlike any other pregnancy I've experienced and I can honestly say I have no clue what I'm having.
That's all for now people, Samuel is home from school and begging for a snack because he "is still hungry."
Because...
In less than 2 weeks we will be welcoming baby number 3.
And I can honestly say this is the most excited I've ever been about welcoming a child into this world.
With Samuel I was just terrified of labor and delivery and realizing that I had NO idea what to do with a baby.
With Lillian I was terrified of having two kids 19 months apart, another c-section, and having a girl.
With this one - I'm just done being pregnant. I know it's going to be hard adjusting to three kids, having a newborn wake-up multiple times a night, my two older kids waking up freakishly early in the morning, recovering from a c-section and all the mayhem that comes with a major life change.
But I've never been more ready - at least mentally and emotionally. All the baby stuff is still in boxes and rooms need to be cleaned and beds need to be upgraded, but that will happen when it happens.
My arms ache for the tininess of the sweet little baby, to look into its big eyes, hold its little hands and count its little toes. I also can't wait to find out what gender this baby is! What do you think?
Most people in the family are thinking it's going to be a boy. I don't have any opinion either way. This pregnancy was seriously unlike any other pregnancy I've experienced and I can honestly say I have no clue what I'm having.
That's all for now people, Samuel is home from school and begging for a snack because he "is still hungry."
April 16, 2013
My Juvenile Delinquent
Lillian likes to TP the house.
She's quite fast at it. Running around the house with rolls of toilet paper while Samuel follows behind trying to keep it all in a neat pile.
She was on her 10th roll when I found her.
I wouldn't have known how many rolls she was on (she tries to hide the evidence) if I hadn't taken the trash out yesterday. I started counting the tubes of toilet paper that were trying to lie there discreetly.
If this is foreshadowing of her teenage years I'm in BIG trouble.
She's quite fast at it. Running around the house with rolls of toilet paper while Samuel follows behind trying to keep it all in a neat pile.
If this is foreshadowing of her teenage years I'm in BIG trouble.
April 1, 2013
28 to Win It
Last week was my birthday and my husband decided to be all cute and planned a game for me. I had to complete all the tasks in 28 seconds or 1 minute 28 seconds (depending on the difficulty) to win the "prize" or my present. :)
My brother took the kids that evening so we could enjoy a little date together and the festivities began.
My first challenge was to balance three cardboard bricks on my head in 28 seconds. I didn't really accomplish this challenge. Apparently, my head comes to a point. Literally. I did eventually get all three of them to balance for a tenth of a second and Carlin counted it, it was my birthday after all. (And yes, Laura, that is the sign you made for my birthday several years ago. I still have it. :))
The next challenge was to flick 8 pens into a bin placed 28 inches away in 28 seconds. If you look closely you can see a silver pen in midair by my arm. I finished this with time to spare.
Round three was a "hint" round where I had to pull mini-M&Ms our of mini-stockings but couldn't use my hands to pull the stocking off. I ended up using my hip and the table. Carlin said that was cheating but I argued that he only said I couldn't use my hands.
Round five was the last round and another hint round. I had to stack 4 apples on top of each other and get them to balance for a few seconds. This was another one that took longer than one minute and 28 seconds and I had to use an unexpected lifeline and got help from my husband. :P
Finally, I had to choose a prize found under one of three boxes. I chose correctly and won...
A mini-iPad! Sometimes, my husband really does spoil me. It's great and I've spending far too much time on it playing games. The kids are also enjoying it.
For dinner Carlin took me to the baby's favorite place - Ray's Barbeque. Seriously the best barbeque in town, maybe even in the state. And I love, love their okra. We split a homemade strawberry cake for dessert.
Overall, it was a great birthday spent with the people I love the best.
My brother took the kids that evening so we could enjoy a little date together and the festivities began.
My first challenge was to balance three cardboard bricks on my head in 28 seconds. I didn't really accomplish this challenge. Apparently, my head comes to a point. Literally. I did eventually get all three of them to balance for a tenth of a second and Carlin counted it, it was my birthday after all. (And yes, Laura, that is the sign you made for my birthday several years ago. I still have it. :))
The next challenge was to flick 8 pens into a bin placed 28 inches away in 28 seconds. If you look closely you can see a silver pen in midair by my arm. I finished this with time to spare.
Round three was a "hint" round where I had to pull mini-M&Ms our of mini-stockings but couldn't use my hands to pull the stocking off. I ended up using my hip and the table. Carlin said that was cheating but I argued that he only said I couldn't use my hands.
Round four was tearing 8 sheets of newspaper in half using only my feet. Luckily I have finger toes. Unfortunately, my hips have been uber-sore with this pregnancy and I could barely walk afterwards.
Finally, I had to choose a prize found under one of three boxes. I chose correctly and won...
A mini-iPad! Sometimes, my husband really does spoil me. It's great and I've spending far too much time on it playing games. The kids are also enjoying it.
For dinner Carlin took me to the baby's favorite place - Ray's Barbeque. Seriously the best barbeque in town, maybe even in the state. And I love, love their okra. We split a homemade strawberry cake for dessert.
Overall, it was a great birthday spent with the people I love the best.
March 27, 2013
The One and Only...
A couple of weeks ago my SIL, Heather, invited me to a dinner and lecture at the University. I was excited, not only was it a night out and one of my first formal events since having kids... but the lecturer was...
Wait for it...
The one and only, David McCullough. That's right people, the David McCullough who wrote such books as 1776 and John Adams. And I saw him, living and breathing, in person.
I only geeked out a bit.
The specific book he talked about was Truman. But it wasn't all "look at how awesome my book is" it was more about how important it is to educate our children on American History.
I have a limited knowledge of American History, but I'll brush up on it (probably by reading more of his books) and fortunately, Miss Heather (my SIL, in case you forgot) happens to be graduating this Spring with a degree in History and then going on for her Masters in the Fall. And now that I've mentioned it I would like to give her a shout-out for not only being impressively smart and motivated, but for taking that leap to Grad School (I'm just a little bit jealous...).
And here's a picture of me at 33 weeks - with my fabulous haircut and my amazing grandparents.
Wait for it...
The one and only, David McCullough. That's right people, the David McCullough who wrote such books as 1776 and John Adams. And I saw him, living and breathing, in person.
I only geeked out a bit.
The specific book he talked about was Truman. But it wasn't all "look at how awesome my book is" it was more about how important it is to educate our children on American History.
I have a limited knowledge of American History, but I'll brush up on it (probably by reading more of his books) and fortunately, Miss Heather (my SIL, in case you forgot) happens to be graduating this Spring with a degree in History and then going on for her Masters in the Fall. And now that I've mentioned it I would like to give her a shout-out for not only being impressively smart and motivated, but for taking that leap to Grad School (I'm just a little bit jealous...).
And here's a picture of me at 33 weeks - with my fabulous haircut and my amazing grandparents.
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