Fall Happenings

Thanks to the planning of others I've managed to fit in some fun activities this October.  First was a trunk-or-treat at my BIL's ward.  The kids thought it was so silly trick-or-treating from people's cars.  I did not take any pictures, partly because we forgot our camera and partly because I want to save costume pics for Halloween.  :)

Jacob chilling with the wipes.  Good times.

Saturday we went to Pumpkinville at the Myriad Gardens and met up with some friends we haven't seen in forever!  The children's area was all decorated with candy corns and spider eggs and owls.  We painted pumpkins, played bean bag toss, enjoyed the company of friends and took some awesome group pics.

Carlin was chasing Nate and Brandie's son while Nate was holding Jacob...

I obviously had my hands full and Carlin was holding Lillian so Nate still has Jacob in this pic too. 

Tuesday I dropped Lilly and Jacob off for a play date while I chaperoned Samuel's school field trip.  There were more than enough parents so it was just me and Samuel enjoying the beautiful day together and getting some much needed one-on-one time. 

A hay tunnel - Samuel kept jumping out and scaring me!

In the corn maze with school friends Ryan and Ira.

Playing in the tires.  Also a good look at the slide and the petting zoo.

Tonight we decorate pumpkins and tomorrow it's Halloween.  Holy guacamole, where has the time gone?! 

Adjusting

Adjusting to three kids - fairly easy.  Way easier than two.  At least for me.

Adjusting to post-baby body after three kids?  Not so easy.  In fact, it's rather depressing.

Remembering that I now have three kids and one is a baby...  seems to be rather difficult.  Which is why I thought doing house projects and starting a part-time job was a good idea.

And to put the cherry on top?  Carlin is in Milwaukee this week.  He is once again traveling in his supposed to be non-traveling job.  And what have I realized? 

That I'm STILL adjusting to the new dynamic of our family.  That I do have to accept the things I cannot change.  That 5 months isn't nearly enough time to be back to normal - so why did I think it would happen faster? 

But mostly, I have realized how much I miss my husband.  I just want him home. Next to me. 

"When the skies are grey and all the doors are closing
And the rising pressure makes it hard to breathe
When all I need's a hand to stop the tears from falling
I will find him, I’ll find him next to me"
-Next to Me, Emeli Sande

Kindergarten!

Samuel started Kindergarten two weeks ago. 

It's full-day.  His teacher is incredible.  He thrives on the structure. 

He's happy.  I'm happy.  It's awesome.

Lillian, however, is not happy.  She wants her best friend home to play or wants to be at school too.  Being left behind is just not cool.

Remembering

If you ever get my voice-mail you'll hear something that goes like this: "Hi, this is Aubrey, I can't get to the phone right now so leave a message.  Smile and have a great day."  It's been like that for years now.  Some people love it.  Some people, like Mom, tell me it's time to change it.  But the thing is, there's a story behind it.  And the story begins with one of the most remarkable women I've ever known.  Kathleen Briggs.

I first met Sister Briggs when I was thirteen or so and she was serving as my youth leader.  She was one of those women who was educated, beautiful and kind.  She made you feel like you were the most important person in the room and when you spoke to her she made it feel like she had nothing better to do that day than listen to you.

Around the same time she came into my life she was also diagnosed with a vicious form of breast cancer.  It was aggressive and so the doctors attacked it aggressively.  She never complained though.  She always showed up to church with a smile on her face, even if it was a tired smile.  She was in the Young Womens for a majority of my teenage years and during those years she went in and out of remission.  The cancer just wouldn't quit and neither would she.

During those years she taught me a lot.  She taught me how to laugh at myself.  If I was embarrassed by something that had happened at school that day she would share an even more embarrassing story, like when she fell down the grand entrance staircase at BYU while attending a formal or the time the wind blew her wig off while giving a speech outside and everybody started chasing it.

She also taught me to never give up and life wasn't that bad.  How can you complain about teenage woes when you know someone whose fingernails are falling off due to chemotherapy? She was always there even though she held down a full-time job and was very tired by the end of the day. 

I'll never forget the story she told how Audrie had held the door open for her one day after church and she almost wept with gratitude.  She said she was so tired that day that the thought of opening the heavy doors to get out of the church was so overwhelming she just stood there not moving.  I learned that day that simple acts go a long way.

I graduated high school, went to college and got married.  Soon I was back in my home ward and Sister Briggs was now the Stake Relief Society President and I was her visiting teacher.  You could say I was only a little intimidated.  I fumbled through the message, shared my testimony and asked how I could help.  She was going through another round of extremely intensive chemo and informed me that if the cancer didn't kill her the chemo would.  I felt so helpless as I watched her become sicker and sicker.  How was I supposed to serve a woman who had served me for so many years?  Once again she taught me there are many different ways to serve and I found my own way to show her my love and appreciation.

During this time I often called her and often got her answering machine.  Her message went something like "I hope you're smiling and having a great day." 

I'm not sure exactly when I adopted her message but I wanted to spread the same kind of cheer and love she gave to everyone so willingly.  Soon after she moved to be closer to family.  A year or so later I was sitting at my desk, pregnant with Samuel when I received the email.  Kathleen had passed away. 

So, I probably won't ever change my voice-mail.  It's my way of honoring her.  To remember to live my life to the fullest and to smile, because today is a GREAT day.

All About Jacob

Can you believe Jacob will be 3 months old in 4 days?!  Neither can I.

Jacob was born sometime around 7:30am via c-section.  He came out not crying... The doctor reassured me he was fine.  I wasn't completely convinced until I heard that first little wail.  Carlin said he had the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck once.

From day one he was holding up his head.  He's a strong little one.  He's also our little cuddler.  Carlin always wanted a cuddler and he finally got one.  He is still happy when he is cuddled next to Mommy or Daddy and will sit there perfectly still and content.  Neither Samuel or Lillian were like that so we are a little beside ourselves.

Interesting little fact: poor kid had to wear his sister's pajamas those first few days because I couldn't find Samuel's newborn PJs. 

Speaking of differences, he was born with a head-full of dark brown hair and still has it - although it seems to be turning auburn a bit.  He also likes his pacifier which is such a relief.  It's seriously like a mute button!

He doesn't like to be put down much but is getting better as he gets older.  He's especially warming up to the swing. We struggled with nursing so much that we finally elected to switch to formula to lower the stress of the whole family.  We are still trying to figure out his little digestion - he seems to have acid reflux and prefers certain brands of formula (like Similac over Enfamil).

Overall little Jacob is a happy baby.  He has started to smile in response to your smiles and has even started to laugh.  I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE little baby laughs.  They are the best, happiest things in the world. 

He's sleeping through the night right now.  We put him down around 8pm and he wont' wake up till 5 or 6am.  I'm liking that a lot.  Now if I could just get his older sister to sleep through the night, we would be golden...

A little bit on the delivery: Not much to tell.  It was a planned c-section due to previous c-sections.  I had a spinal block and got the shakes a bit but nothing even close to what I had with Lillian.  This time I had extreme itching especially on my face.  It was so bad that by that afternoon my nose swollen and bleeding, my chin and cheeks had scratch marks all over and I had rubbed other patches of skin raw.  Finally a nurse noticed and gave me some Benadryl.  Turned out they had given me morphine to help with the pain and I was having a reaction.  The recovery was horrible and I was pretty convinced I was going to die of the after-contraction pains.

Now we are doing pretty good.  I'm exhausted but things get better every day.  The kids love Jacob and even make up songs about how much they love him.  It goes something like this "Jacob I love you, Jacob I love you, I love you Jacob."  Very original.  Lillian is always showering him with kisses and trying to pick him up and hold him.  Samuel just looks at Jacob and says "Awww, he's so cute."  Sometimes he will let Jacob hold his fingers.

And that's Jacob, our little cuddle-bug.

Motherhood: A Confession

"Motherhood is my style" said Heather Ann Johnson.  She's a blogger and I like to read her thoughts and advice in motherhood and family life.  She recently gave a speech on motherhood which you can listen to at Family Volley.  She explains that becoming a mother was something she always wanted.

Which got me thinking, that's not the first time I've heard that.  It seems many of my friends just wanted to be a Mom and as I've watched them become Moms and do the Mom-thing they are so GOOD at it.  It seems to come easy to them and I envy them, because simply put, I didn't dream of becoming a Mom.  And it's hard.

Seriously hard.

There are days I would rather go through finals again than face being a Mom. 

Even as a child I never wanted to be a mother.  I wanted to be a teacher, an astronaut and for a small period an actress/performer of some sorts.  But mainly an astronaut.  I was going to be the first woman on the moon, the first person to Mars and then come back and write about it.  Which would then lead me to be a journalist for the National Geographic in which I would travel the world. 

And then things changed, the Lord had a different path for me.  Carlin came into my life and before I could blink we had three kids.  And I'm a stay-home Mom and it's the hardest thing I've ever done. 

Not because it's tedious, redundant, and never-ending.  And not because potty-training might kill me.  But because Motherhood is NOT my style.  And I want it to be, I really do. 

But it's like wearing a dress that's too tight and too small and you just feel self-conscious and are constantly pulling it down or up and it feels like you might suffocate in it. 

That's how motherhood is for me, sometimes it feels like I might suffocate.

Does it make me love my children any less?  No.  I love them.  But my love for them doesn't make it any easier.  And that's the hones truth.

Dear Jacob,

You turned a month old yesterday and yet there is no post and no pictures of you on my blog.  Some might argue it's because you're a third child and third children simply get overlooked.  I promise that's not the case.   The main reason there are no posts or pictures is because I spend the majority of my time holding you.  Most of the time I don't mind, you are my last baby and I want to cherish every moment with you.  It also helps that you do not like to be put down.

Born: May 6, 7lbs 15 oz, 19.5 inches

This past month has also been quite the eventful one.  There were lots of celebrations, you were born, Samuel finished preschool and turned 5 and your father and I celebrated 7 years of marriage.  In between all of that we experienced severe weather.  An F5 tornado came within several miles of our house, less than 2 miles from your Daddy's workplace, across the street from your Aunt Samantha, and just barely missed your Aunt Heather.  You were 2 weeks old exactly.  For the second day in a row I huddled with you and Lillian in our little closet under the stairs whispering prayers for the safety of all those we loved, while your brother sought shelter at school.  11 days later we were again running for shelter, this time at a neighbor's house for they have an underground storm shelter.  This storm also produced an F5 tornado, along with several smaller tornadoes - one of which hit your Daddy's work leaving them without power for almost a week - and severe flooding.

That's about when your Daddy and I looked at each other and thought for the first time since having children "what kind of world have we brought our precious children into and how do we protect them?"

I am not sure what the future holds for you little Jacob, but I do know one thing.  You are a gift from the Lord and I have to trust that He will keep you and your siblings safe.  I do not doubt that you were supposed to come to our little family at this time and you have been our little light in the darkness. Aunts and Uncles have sought you out to hold you and bring peace as we learned of the devastation of natural disasters, Grandmas and Grandpas have come forward to support, help and love.

I might be slacking in an outwardly show of your importance to this family, but you have filled our heart and home with your presence and I can't imagine a time without you.

Welcome to this world, Baby Jacob!

He was born with a head full of brown hair and still has it - I can't believe it after having two bald kids!