I am Woman

I was lazily surfing through the channels on TV tonight when I came across the season premiere of Ugly Betty. I've never seen this show and I only watched the first few minutes of it, but the first few minutes got me thinking. Apparently at the end of last season Ugly Betty received two proposals - one was to go to Rome with a young man, the other was an actual wedding proposal from a different young man. In the end she chooses neither of the young men and the show picks up with her "talking" to her mother (her mother is dead and so she is just sitting at the grave site talking). She says she chose neither young man because she needs to find out who she is and where she wants to go in life - that she needs to think about her career and other such stuff. Well, this sparked a series of thoughts that have been tumbling in my head for quite a while and I thought I would write it all down.

I will readily admit that I was scared to become a mother. There was a lot I was giving up - a way of life that was, to put it bluntly, selfish. I spent time with my fabulous husband. We did whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted. We stayed up late, slept in on the weekends, took vacations, went to school, worked, and overall enjoyed being young college students in love. Then we had a child and I suddenly realized that I hadn't "had it all" but in fact had been missing everything.

I never thought twice about getting married - and I married my first boyfriend. I had many fears about motherhood but those were all swept away when Samuel came into my life. I've only been a Mom for 4 months - today! I've had many sleepless nights (especially this week since Samuel has had a head cold), many poopy diapers, emotional breakdowns, and frustrations. But never once have I wanted to go back to the way things were, never once have I regretted my decision. I never knew I could enjoy something so passionately. I love being a Mom and Wife. As I embrace those titles I find I enjoy life more. A simple smile lights up my day, a little cry breaks my heart. A husband. A son. And me. Complete.

To all women who think they need to "find who they are" whether they are the working woman or the mother who is second guessing herself: the best way to find yourself is through selfless service, otherwise known as a family.