A few thoughts on Motherhood

If you're not interested in reading about all the sordid details of Motherhood then stop here, because I have a few thoughts jumbling around in my head that I would like to share. I've been reading articles and seeing discussions on Facebook lately (occasionally I get sucked into the black-hole that is Facebook) about motherhood and wow! There is a lot out there and it seems to be a major battle being fought between women right now.  I try to remain blissfully ignorant of it all because Motherhood is hard enough without the thousands of opinions of women out there, not to mention the media portrayals and experts who think their way is the best way. So, here is my two cents to add to the barrage of opinions out there.

First to new Moms and Moms of one child: You might feel judged, especially by those of us with more than one kid. But the truth is, we aren't judging you. At least no more than you are judging us. We might look at your over-prepared diaper bag and chuckle to ourselves a bit or listen to how you've conquered bed-time and say "ah, that's cute." It might feel like we are laughing at you, but what we are really doing is remembering our first time through having a baby too. Remember how your world was literally turned upside-down after you had your baby? Labor and delivery wasn't anything you pictured, you were worried about the number of times your baby pooped each day, you were sleep-deprived and you were trying to figure out the whole nursing thing while your friends and family gathered around you and the baby. Not to mention the acute pain of post-partum recovery, the fact you hadn't showered in days and how you have to re-learn how to do everything with a baby in hand. And I mean everything - from navigating the grocery store to cleaning your house.

Remember that?

Well, here's the real truth: It that happens EVERY time you have a child. In some ways it really, truly is much easier because you kind of know what to expect this time. But really, delivery doesn't go the exact same way, you might get clogged-milk ducts this time or your second won't latch properly, the sleep deprivation is there again, but this time you can't sleep when the baby sleeps because you have a second child running around. And once again you have to re-learn how to do everything - this time with two or three or six kids. This time instead of being worried whether or not you packed the diaper bag you are worried about which kid to put in the car first and how to hold a baby carrier with one hand and keep your toddler from running through the parking lot with the other hand. So, one worry replaces another one and the cycle continues.

We aren't laughing at you, if anything we are a little jealous that you can sit there and hold your baby and not worry about what your toddler is getting into in the next room.

Second, to working moms versus stay-home moms. Can we all agree that being a Mom is hard? It doesn't matter if you work or don't work, you still have to be a Mom. But here are a few thoughts from a stay-home Mom: We are literally with our kids for 24 hours a day 7 days a week. We don't get a break, we don't get to come home from the office and kick off our shoes and play with our kids. So, when we ask to have a girls night we don't want our children involved - because quite frankly we've had enough of them. That might sound harsh, but it's true. I admire the women who work and be a Mom - it takes a lot of courage, strength and energy. A LOT of energy. The thing is whether you are working or not, all of us feel like we fall short at the end of the day. Working-moms might wish they had more time with their kids and stay-home Moms wish they could have less time with their kids and we both feel guilty for those things. Can we all agree to not push our guilt on the other person and instead just offer love and support?

Third, discipline. Discipline is hard and everyone has an opinion and everyone will tell you what to do or that you are doing it wrong. You have to figure out what you and your spouse are comfortable with - if the cry-it-out technique at bedtime leaves you in tears and makes you feel like the worse person EVER, then don't do it. However, do remember that there will be times you have to make a tough decision and stick with it. The key is consistency. Whatever parenting-style you choose you have to be consistent with your children, otherwise they will know they can push the boundaries. 



Lastly, you have to learn to laugh. Laughing is the only way to get through it. My oldest is six now and everyone tells me it gets better but I'm still not quite convinced. The thing is I've learned to laugh. My kids do crazy things - and I mean crazy. They dump flour all over the floor, stick toys in their mouth, wonder how gravity works by throwing things off the stairs, fight with each other, pick-on each other, and push my patience as far as they possibly can. Laughing is how I get through it all. Sometimes the laughter doesn't come until much later, but eventually it does come. I can beat myself up thinking I'm the worse parent in the world because my daughter thought it was fun to play with her poop while potty-training, or I can laugh at the pure looks of disgust people give me when a story is told. Also, comes the looks of relief I get from other parents when they realize their children aren't that weird after all, at some point every child plays with poop.

Summer Adventures: Mt Scott

We've been keeping ourselves busy this summer, exploring the natural beauty of Oklahoma. For Memorial Day we went to Chickasaw National Recreation area and hiked around the Little Niagras (which was bone dry), explored Buffalo Springs (also dry), found Lost Cave Falls (also dry), and looked for a woodpecker.

There were no pictures from that outing. But then we went to the Wichita Mountain Wildlife Refuge and there we found a true hidden gem of Oklahoma.

That says 2,465.3 feet. Officially a mountain. :)

First, we drove to the top of Mt. Scott. Yep, drove. To the very top.

And then played around on the rocks and let the kids explore. And let me tell you, they LOVED it. Samuel was so excited to be on top of a mountain.

They thought they were on top of the world!

Lilly doing a plie. And despite what it looks like, Samuel was not falling off the side of the mountain.

Then we drove into the refuge itself. We found tons of wildlife. Longhorn cattle, lizards, birds, and groundhogs.

The kids loved the groundhogs.

This was one of my favorite lizards we found.

We hiked up to the Jed Johnson Tower. It was a mile total - perfect for our little hikers and the first real hike we've really taken them on.

Overall it was a fun trip that the kids still talk about. We have a big ol' list of other places we want to explore including Robber's Cave and the Great Salt Plains.

Firsts

We (and by we I mean my SIL Samantha) also cut Jacob's hair for the first time. Ever. I might have cried.

 He's just so grown-up looking now.

It was a weekend of firsts for us last week. Lillian had her first ballet recital. Not only was it my first ballet recital but I somehow managed to be a dressing room Mom for seven 3-4 year olds. Let's just say someone else can volunteer next year. Ha!

Aunt Heather, Uncle Mitchell and Grandma & Grandpa H. came. (Never got a picture with my Mom and Dad - really, we were lucky to get the pictures we did).

Samuel also got a haircut this past weekend...

Samuel came too and did surprisingly well, was just as patient (if not more so) than my parents. :)

I kind of like being a dance-Mom, although my competitive nature is coming out...

Jacob is 1!

Jacob turned 1 last week!  I know, I can't believe it either.

We had extended family party first at a park.

Jacob loved it.

Especially the cake.

On his actual birthday we had a quiet family dinner with all of his favorite finger foods: chicken nuggets, strawberries, mac & cheese...

And of course, a small cake to top it off.

Samuel wouldn't give me a nice picture to save his life, so this is the best I got of them.

Happy Birthday to my little Jacob. You are such a precious little boy who makes the world a better place just by being here. I love you.

Picture Day

Our Stake Primary put on a Temple Day for primary families. It was a wonderful event and an opportunity to show our children the temple. We took advantage of being there and took some much needed pictures of the kids, because we all know how great I am at taking pictures (not!).

My beautiful family - all together.

Doesn't it look like I have twins? People ask me all the time.

I couldn't help it, I had to add two pictures of mister Samuel. I just love the top picture.

Miss Lillian in all of her shoeless glory. Shoes do not stay on for very long with her, even though she loves shoes and has more than I do. (P.S. I seriously can't get over how gorgeous this kid is!)

Ah - this is kid is just so dag-gone cute.

And here are a few more of my favorite pics. 

I had to put this one in here because it just captures my boys and all their silliness.

And lest you think we take nothing but great pictures... here's how most of the pictures turned out:

My kids... in their true forms.

Wrong Number

A couple of years ago I changed my phone number. As soon as it was connected I started receiving phone calls for a Jaime. There were calls following up on requests for more education. I would tell them wrong number. Then there were the bill collectors. They were a little more aggressive not taking the "wrong number" response.

"This is so-and-so from collections, and we show you have an outstanding balance." "I'm sorry, I believe you have the wrong number." "Am I speaking to Jaime?" "No, you have the wrong number." "What is your name?" "Aubrey" "Could you leave a message for Jamie?" "I do not know any Jaimes." "Are you sure?"

Needless to say, they weren't quite convinced I was not Jaime. They kept calling at different times hoping to catch me off guard I guess. But the weirdest calls by far came from strange men, and let me tell you, there were a LOT of them. One of the strangest sounded eerily like my Uncle Ed. It came in rather late one night and he told me to just come on back to his room when I got there... When I explained to him I was not Jaime he hooted and apologized in a good-ol' boy fashion and told me to have a good night.

The calls finally started to peeter out, but I still get happy birthday texts when it's not my birthday and random phone calls and texts. I mostly ignore them. However, the other day I got a phone call at about 5:40am. I answered it to only have the person on the other end hang-up. Carlin mumbled "who was that?" and I said it must have been a drunk dial. Then I received the following text:

5:42am: Zorry who this
I  ignored it.
5:44am: What's yours name
I responded with the following:
5:48am: I'm an irate mother of three young children whom you just woke-up from a rather nice sleep and now it sounds like my baby is awake. I'm assuming I'm not the person you are looking for so please leave me alone. And use proper grammar and punctuation next time.
I thought that would be the end of it and started to fall back to sleep, then:
5:54am: You married

Seriously?! He didn't use proper grammar or punctuation so I didn't dignify him with a response. There is only one natural conclusion concerning this Jaime person - she was a student who racked up a bunch of debt. She panicked and entered the field of prostitution hoping to pay her debts down faster. Realizing that that may not have been the best idea she then canceled her phone and severed all contact with her past life and is hopefully trying to start anew somewhere else.

Anxiety

I'm a little anxious today. Why? Because today we have a moderate risk for tornadoes. Yep, this seasoned Oklahoman who has been through 18 years of tornado seasons in the state that receives the most tornadoes in the world is finding herself all tied up in knots.

The past few years I have seen tornado after tornado and I SWEAR they are getting closer to me, to my house, to my family. Every year I am glued to the TV because not only do I worry about myself but about my family and my in-laws and my friends scattered all across this state. Mostly I handle it with a mix of excitement and nerves. There is nothing more awe-inspiring and humbling than the weather in Oklahoma.

But this year is different. This year I'm suffering from a little PTSD from last year. This year I have three kids to protect. This year I find myself close to tears and fighting the fear. The fear from last year. And while I've mentioned last year briefly I have never said what happened. Well, now I'm ready to because I need to talk, or write. Whichever.

Here's how it went. Jacob was two weeks old. To the day. Which means I was two weeks post-partum from a c-section. I was home alone because my SIL Heather had decided to go home and try to get a few things done that afternoon. I saw the storm pop-up on the radar and I called Carlin and asked him to pick-up Samuel from school and come home early. I was near tears so Carlin felt it was his duty to calm me down and reassure me everything would be okay. "You're right," I said. "I am just a little emotional is all." Everything will be fine.

But it wasn't and the sirens went off and Carlin had to get off the phone with me and take shelter and his workplace and Samuel's school went on lock-down. And I am watching the news as Mike Morgan from channel four says there is a confirmed tornado on the ground and it's headed straight for the plant my husband works at and it has gone from nothing to an F5 in minutes. I'm holding my baby and my three year old is running around the house naked and now Mike Morgan is saying the tornado is a mile wide and now both of my sisters-in-law are in the direct path as well as my husband.

I call Heather because she is from Idaho and this is her first tornado season and Mitchell is at work and I say "get out of your house Heather." "But where will I go?" She says. "South," I say. "To my house or just keep driving." And she says, "Mitchell said I will be fine and he'll let me know if I need to leave." Now the tornado is barreling into homes. The helicopter pilot's house is getting hit, the news anchors' homes are getting hit. The movie theater, schools, workplaces are being evacuated. And now my SIL Samantha is calling to ask if I'm okay and I'm confused because yes, I'm fine but is she at work? That's when I hear yelling in the background and she says they have to get in the safe.

And that's it. That's the last I hear from my husband and my two sisters-in-law. The tornado is taking out cell towers. My baby wants to eat but I'm so stressed no milk comes. The sirens are going off and I'm in the closet trying to feed my baby and my 3 year old is running around naked because she thinks now is a good time to change her panties and someone is pounding on my door and I'm trying very, very hard not to cry. Surprisingly my Mom and Dad are able to get through to me, but I'm a mess. I reassure my Mom that Samantha was in the safe (she works at a bank) so she should be okay. But what about Carlin? What about Heather? I watch as the tornado makes a slight adjustment to the north and misses Carlin's work and according to the map Heather's house. But I still can't get through to them and now it's hitting more houses. Homes of friends. And schools. Samuel is stuck at school, I can't get to him. And my heart can't take it. The tears start and won't stop.

Hours later Carlin makes it home, Samantha makes it home, we are able to get through to Heather, she's fine and finally Samuel makes it home. I'm still watching the news and even the professional news anchors are struggling to keep it together. The worse part of it? The risk for severe weather won't go away. We have two weeks straight of apprehension, nervousness, dark skies, rain and finally another F5 tornado, the largest ever recorded. That storm dropped smaller tornadoes all over the city, hitting Carlin's work and causing power outages.

The past 11 months we've driven by the tornado path. We've seen the piles of rubble, the clearing away of the debris and the rebuilding of homes and businesses. The post office has been rebuilt, the hospital which was completely demolished is now under construction. And now we are gearing up for another tornado season. And I'm not sure if I will be able to handle it this time. I just have to remember I'm strong, I'm Oklahoma strong.